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Love&Relations

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The 12 Most Overrated Kinds of Sex

All sex is wonderful. Except these kinds of sex. These kinds of sex SUCK.

1. Shower sex.
Water does not equal lubrication. Plus, one of you is always freezing and you could slip and fall and die. You could DIE because of some bad sex. How screwed up is that? Hard pass.

2. Hot tub sex.
The only thing worse than shower sex. If the septic shock doesn't kill you, the banging of your head against the hot polluted water might.

3. Beach sex.
The only thing worse than hot tub sex. There's a reason the expression "she's got sand in her vagina" rings so true. Sand in your vagina is a real B.

4. Car sex.
Unless you drive a car that's the size of a bedroom, no. You're not 18 anymore and your body just doesn't bend that way. It's unnatural!

5. Public sex.
No matter your age, you're too old to get arrested for being a freak behind a ferris wheel. You are the reason the expression "get a room!" was invented. Get a room!

 

6. Super drunk sex.
Sloppy-ass sex just isn't cute. Katy Perry's Friday Night song isn't a funny romp, it's a cry for help.

7. Just ate three pizzas sex.
NOPE. Forever nope.

8. Vacation sex.
There's just too much pressure to be exotic and shit! All you really want to do is eat chips, drink margaritas, and watch every Pay Per View movie possible. 

9. Parents house sex.
Saturday Night Live made a documentary about this. Do you want to do it on your twin bed with your old cat watching? DO YOU?

10. Airplane sex.
I can barely take a crap in those tiny airplane bathrooms and you want to get freaky? You're insane.

11. Stairs sex.
You're so close to a bedroom. Why not just go to the bedroom? Why not? 

12. Sex with someone who treats you like crap.
This is the #1 Cardinal rule (?) of sexing that many of us break on the regular. Don't let anyone near That Which Is Most Sacred if they're a jerk. They don't deserve that sweet, sweet loving. That is not for them. 

 

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