We talk a lot about having better sex, a better orgasm, or a better relationship. But when it comes to a crucial communication skill—you know, vocalizing the nitty-gritty of what you want in bedwhile in bed—we haven't exactly provided you with an online instruction manual. Trust me, I've looked.
Let's correct that now, shall we? After copious amounts of research (i.e., googling), here's what I can recommend you do mid-action to get exactly what you want:
If you're anything like me, it might take a few deep breaths—or a few swigs of liquid courage—to feel comfortable enough to make a between-the-sheets recommendation. So it's important to realize that your guy will likely welcome your instructions; after all, most men aim to please. And as long as your request isn't condescending or unhelpful, he'll be happy you made it and that he can make it happen for you.
Remember, it's all in the details. The more specific you can get, the more likely you are to get what you want. Think about it this way: When you're riding shotgun and playing navigator on a road trip, you wouldn't simply tell the driver, "Turn right." You'd say something more like, "At the next intersection, which is about a quarter mile away, make a right onto Smith Street." You can apply the same idea to sex.
Positive reinforcement can't be underestimated. If your man hits a hot spot, let him know and I promise you he will remember it for next time. You can show him your enthusiasm with an old-fashioned moan, or seize the opportunity for some additional sex talk. Whisper, "When you do that, you drive me wild," or whatever works for you!
Don't be afraid to take things into your own hands. If you can't seem to find your voice, or a way to specifically explain what you'd like, take your hand—or his!—and show him. If you do the work, he'll enjoy the show while simultaneously taking mental notes. Or guide his hand over your most sensitive spots, showing him just how much pressure to use and how fast to stroke.
Try to take it one thing at a time. Don't get so eager to express your deepest desires that you overwhelm your partner. The last thing you want is for him to feel inadequate, or to simply give up!
Do you have any tips for asking for what you want while you're doing the deed? Has anything you've said or done not worked? Dish below!
