Sarah is 32 and Evan is 35. They've known each other nine years, married five and a half.
So how did you propose?
Evan: Sarah started getting antsy like, "Where is this going?" Sarah is really close to her family so I got it in my head that we're gonna visit them for Christmas [and] I'm gonna propose so they wouldn't feel left out of the whole process. So in December, I went shopping in secret and bought the ring. The last Saturday before we [went] away, I was like, "Let's go see the tree! It'll be romantic this time of year, so beautiful!" So we went over to the big Christmas tree. It was so beautiful and as soon as we entered the rink area over there, there were, like, 12 couples, like, simultaneously proposing. It was so overwhelming with the romance and air of marriage.
Sarah: As we're walking there I was like, This is interesting. I never would've expected Evan to propose at Rockefeller Center. It just doesn't seem like his style, but OK, I'll go with it.
Evan: I was so stupid to just not even consider that would be part of the perception.
Sarah: So we walk over and he's like, "Aw, the tree is beautiful, look at that. OK, you ready to hop on the train?" And I was like, "I'm sorry, what?"
Evan: We got in this huge fight about "Where is this relationship going?! Look at all these people that are in love! When are we gonna get engaged?"
Sarah: I was like, "I need to know where we stand before we go home and visit our families, OK?"
Evan: Meanwhile I had an engagement ring in my pocket but using it to get out of the fight would've been the worst.
Sarah: He gave me this weird bullshit answer like, "I dunno, baby, it's a guy thing. I'm getting there but I'm just not ready yet."
Evan: I didn't want to abort my plan! So that meant me just sucking it up and putting my foot in my mount for the time being.
Sarah: We were only engaged for three months. I think a lot of people thought maybe we were pregnant or something? Honestly, it decreased our options so it was much easier to plan than someone who had a year plus to plan.
What's been your biggest fight?
Sarah: I remember a fight in which I pulled a curtain rod out of the wall because I was so frustrated. I didn't want to yell at Evan because he's not a very confrontational person.
Evan: You're saying that instead of yelling at me you ripped a fixture out of the wall? What was it about?
Sarah: I don't remember! [Laughs] I just remember saying to you over and over again, "'I'm sorry you feel that way,' is not an apology!"
Yeah, that is definitely not an apology.
Evan: [Laughs] I can think of a big fight we had a couple of years ago where I had gotten involved with doing some comedy and I got invited to be a part of a couple different projects and in just the dumbest embarrassed way, I just wasn't forthcoming about this with Sarah. [She] would find out about them after I was committed to doing them, like weeks later, and it was just the way she would find out about them made them seem very illicit, like I'm keeping it from her. I'm making it sound very vanilla, but it really engendered these trust issues that were a problem for a couple of months. Like, am I sharing everything with Sarah in a timely fashion or am I withholding?
Sarah: Information would kind of leak out and be kind of fuzzy, and I have trust issues to begin with.
What was your suspicion?
Sarah: I don't even know that I got that specific. Any secret in my book is bad.
I have secrets from my husband. There's a lot that I just refuse to talk to him about.
Evan: When he asks you directly, do you tell him?
I reserve the right to privacy. Being married does not mean that this person gets to live inside my head. I just feel very protective of my individuality and I get nervous when I feel like someone is parenting me and having secrets makes me feel independent. But anyway, this isn't about me!
Sarah: [Laughs] Wow. Whatever works for you!
Evan: I don't think anything is off limits. I think if either one of us asks the other a pointed question, there's the assumption it's going to be answered. And we might feel really on the spot, but we're honest when confronted. There is a sense that everything is in bounds. I can't say that we both at the end of the day come together like, "Here's everything that happened today, just so you know."
Sarah: But that's how I operate! So then I'm like, Why doesn't he tell me everything that happened during his day?
Any big surprises in your marriage?
Sarah: I've been surprised by how much I've changed since we get married. There's not as much rush to fix everything. I've been surprised that I have grown more patient. At first, I was really freaked out by any tiny little issue in our relationship. Like, "Oh crap, we've got to get this under control because I do not want to wake up in 25 years and hate you!" [Laughs.]
How has your sex life changed since you've been married?
Sarah: We didn't really have sex!
Did you wait until you got married?
Evan: Uhh...
Sarah: [Laughs] We wanted to. We tried to, and then we kind of failed, but then we regained our discipline.
Evan: We were off and on the wagon. But we've been married for five years and I'd say it's more like a cycle. Like, we go through a three-month period where it's pretty frequent, and then it becomes a source of conflict for a couple months, and it kind of crests and troughs. Sarah is expecting, so it's also changed a lot in the last seven or eight months.
Congratulations!
Evan: Thank you very much!
Is there anything you wish you would've hashed out before you got married? Obviously having a baby, you both were on board with that.
Sarah: Actually, we weren't! When we got married, I was pretty sure I didn't want to have kids, so I had to say to Evan, "If that's a deal breaker, you should know that." Did you just know that my fears would subside eventually?
Evan: Oh yeah, I was totally presumptuous. I didn't try to fight you on it because I literally assumed that's just gonna go away. Which is so foolish because it's such a huge issue and it is a deal breaker for a lot of people! But I just knew you would make such a good mom. I felt like it was kind of part of your calling or destiny and eventually your view on it would come around to that destiny.
Sarah: You also knew my personality enough to know that I can think I'm completely absolute on something and then about six months later I say the opposite [laughs].
Any advice for people getting married?
Sarah: This was a piece of advice we got from a marriage counselor we saw a couple of years back, to set aside an hour or two every week where you sit down and talk about the serious stuff of marriage, whatever that means to you guys. You have this dedicated time that's finite where you can bring up all your issues.
Evan: We call it "Marriage Time."
Do you and your spouse want to tell your story?
