Whether you bring a guy home for the holidays or are in his family's territory, your hormones won't quit just because you're surrounded by grandmas and heinously festive sweaters. While you might have to adjust your regular routine (no meeting him at the door and dragging him to the bedroom, cavewoman-style), you can still get down and dirty. Actually, you'll probably getespecially dirty since you'll likely be doing it in one of your childhood beds. Here are a few tips to make sure you still have amazing sex without getting disowned by your parents.
Wait until the middle of the night. This is especially true if one of you has to sneak into the other's room because the family isn't into you sharing a bed. Even if you're in the same room, wait until the house has totally settled, then wait a little longer. It's just safer that way.
Nix the stuffed animals. It's sweet that Fluffy slept in the same bed as you every night until you went off to college. Truly, it is! Go ahead and introduce Fluffy to your guy. Then put Fluffy on the opposite side of the room, facing a wall. He doesn't need to see what's about to happen.
Keep it seriously quiet. Silence is golden (and will ensure you can still look your mother in the eye the next morning).
Do it on the floor. Unless you have a cushy memory foam mattress and a bed frame that's as quiet as a room full of women asked who wouldn't want to have sex with Chris Hemsworth, you have to take your session to the floor. A chair is an acceptable substitute. Basically, look for anything that doesn't squeak to broadcast your every movement.
Avoid the rough stuff most of the time. A gentler variety will help make sure you still enjoy yourself without telling the whole house just how much fun you're having. Keeping quiet during really rough sex is an extraordinary feat best suited to those with an iron will.
Sneak off. If everyone's going on an excursion, stay at home. Or if your family is throwing a huge party, excuse yourself to the bedroom for a quickie. Just be subtle about it; head to the bedroom at different times if necessary and keep an ear out for anyone approaching. You don't want to have to hold back the entire time you're at home, so if you get the opportunity to go at it with some gusto, take it.
Hide the evidence. Leaving things out all willy-nilly for someone to stumble upon is a rookie mistake. All condoms, condom wrappers, lube, lingerie, etc., should be disposed of like you are playing the world's most important game of hide and seek. Wrap condoms in mounds of toilet paper then bury them in the trashcan (but if you have a dog, just take them to whatever outdoor garbage receptacle you have available. Better safe than sorry), and pack your sexy Santa outfit back into your suitcase before you go have breakfast the next morning.
