Every new year brings another spate of bonkers sex research. This year was no different.
Have you ever wondered what percentage of people fantasize about sex with animals? How about the likelihood that the guy next to you on the highway is shakin' his bacon? Researchers in 2014 worked out the answers to those and many more really bizarre sex questions. While the usefulness of some of this info is dubious at best, the entertainment value is undeniable. Enjoy these kooky sex studies from an especially kinky year:
1. Your Stable or Mine?
You probably think your sexual fantasies are a little wild. But chances are good that most other men share them, found a study on sex fantasies in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Researchers found a surprising amount of consistency when they asked men and women about their dirtiest thoughts. They also discovered some really freaky fantasies are alarmingly common: Exactly 3 percent of the study participants said they’d fantasized about getting it on with an animal. Another 3.5 percent said they had imagined their partner urinating on them. (Not included in the data: how many guys wanted their animal lovers to pee on them.)
2. Bigger Isn’t Better
A study in PLOS One found the longer your penis, the greater the likelihood your wife will cheat on you. Accommodating a big penis is uncomfortable and sometimes painful, the women in the study said. So the bigger a man was below the belt, the more likely a woman was to go searching for a smaller, more comfortable model.
3. Hands at 10 and 2, Pal
After investigating the common sexual activities people engage in while driving, a University of South Dakota team declared behind-the-wheel hanky panky to be “an under-reported in-vehicle distraction” that required more prevention efforts. As you might guess, a guy getting road head from a female passenger topped the list of risky maneuvers. More surprising: 11 percent of the men polled admitted they had rubbed one out while driving. (So that explains those guys cruising 5 miles under the limit in the far-right lane.)
4. Do It for Your Prostate
You’ve probably heard about the research that shows frequent orgasms—21 or more a month, to be precise—can protect you from prostate cancer. A recent study from the University of Montreal added to this body of research with a titillating finding: Having sex with lots of women also lowers your risk for the disease. Have you hit the sack with more than 20 women? Congratulations! You’ve lowered your risk for prostate cancer by 28 percent, the research found. The study’s authors speculate that men who get around probably have more orgasms than the average dude.
5. Enjoy Parenthood!
It’s common for women who have stopped taking birth control to feel little or no attraction to their long-time sexual partner, according to a study in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. The pill messes with a woman’s hormone levels, which can alter the traits and characteristics she finds attractive in a man, the study authors say.
6. The Look That Lures
Every few months a new facial hair survey or study pops up claiming THIS is the look women love—be it a beard, 5 o’clock shadow, or a clean shave. But a clever Australian study may have finally revealed the truth that underlies what women dig in a dude’s facial hair: individuality. The study found women tend to prefer the guy whose scruff doesn’t match the faces around him. Translation: If you work in an office where everyone’s clean-shaven, a beard may be your best way to lure a sexy coworker. But if your favorite Brooklyn bar is filled with bearded bros (and they all are), a clean shave may set you apart.
7. Thank Your Fishy Forefathers
Earlier this year, an Australian research team concluded that a kind of armored fish that swam in waters near present-day Scotland was the first thing ever to have sex on Earth. The specifics: About 430 million years ago, the male Microbrachius dicki—seriously, that’s its name!—had an L-shaped wang that required the male to sidle up to his female partner so he could screw her side-to-side, the researchers say. They also describe the female's vagina as a “cheese grater.”
8. Smells Like B.S.
Thanks to some weird interaction between your genes and your natural body odors and pheromones, you’re more likely to be attracted to (and land) a partner who shares your political ideology. According to a Brown University study, staunch conservatives and liberals were attracted to the natural scents of people who shared their political leanings—and were repelled by the aromas of their party rivals.
9. Falling Head over Her Heels
Remember this news about her shoes? In a study from a few months ago, French researchers had women ask different guys for directions. The women wore either flats or high heels, but nothing else about their appearance or their request changed. When the women sported stilettos, the guys helped them out 83 percent of the time. But the men’s helpfulness dropped to 47 percent when the women wore flats.
10. Mind Your Backside
What sex position is easiest on your back? Researchers at the University of Waterloo in Canada wanted to find out, so they asked men and women to do it in a lab so they could take measurements of their “spine kinematic profiles” for signs of stress. If leaning forward hurts, doggystyle should be your go-to position, the study authors conclude. And stay away from side positions, which will put the most strain on your spine. But if arching backward causes pain, do it on your side, the authors advise.
11. Nature’s Prozac
Casual sex gets a bad rap. (STDs! Awkward goodbyes!) But for people who feel drawn to one-night stands and flings, a little no-strings-attached lovin’ lowers anxiety and depression, boosts self-confidence, and is generally pretty great for you in terms of life satisfaction, found a study from Cornell University and NYU.
12. Take Off That Apron
The more a couple shares household responsibilities and chores, the less sex they have, found a study in The American Sociological Review. The study authors found men who completed traditionally “feminine chores”—things like cleaning, folding laundry, and vacuuming—had sex with their wives 1.5 fewer times a month than guys who said “F that” when asked to chip in with the house work.
13. The Problem with Soul Mates
The more you think of your partner as your “soul mate,” the less happy you’ll end up in your relationship, suggested a study from the University of Toronto. All couples go through hard times. But if you regard your partner as a “soul mate,” you’re more likely to feel unsettled or freaked out by relationship rough patches, the authors speculated. On the other hand, taking your girl off that pedestal can make it easier for you both to absorb and move past conflicts, the study suggested.
14. Use Your Imagination
A duo of Canadian researchers wanted to know more about the sexual fantasies of asexual people—kind of like asking vegetarians how much they dream about eating meat. To no one’s surprise, a lot of asexuals reported they’d never had a sexual fantasy in their life. The crazy part: When the study team questioned normal "Sure, I like sex” people for comparison’s sake, 8 percent claimed they had never had a sexual fantasy. Suggestion for a follow-up study: Just what the heck is going on in the heads of these people during long meetings and transcontinental flights?
