The crazy mixed up lab that is online dating has produced some really bizarre “pick up” and opening lines for people expressing interest in another’s profile. As we all know, you can run into an overzealous and possibly ill-socialized Lothario on any number of social media sites: Facebook, Tinder, Match/eHarmony/OkCupid etc. Opening lines in each respective media are different, and often easily identifiable based on things like “jokey-ness”, “pick-up-y-ness” (Tinder), weird fixation on the past (Facebook), and megalomania (eHarmony/Match). Here’s a collection of some choice lines. Remember, DO NOT use these lines! Please. Send us more recommendations of awful openers you see.
Tinder “Pick Up” Lines: Ay Bby U Wan Sum ______ ?
- Have you heard what scientists are saying? …How there’s only going to be seven planets after I destroy Uranus.
- On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?
- Hey Baby can I have some pics? ;)
- What’s your spirit animal?
- I would cuddle the **** out of you in a blanket fort…I mean, Hi :)
- I would totally let you take me to brunch
- I’m 28 not 38 like my profile says
- Hello. My name is Jake. I like your pics. I am single and live alone. Just thought I’d stop by to say hi.
- Let’s make sex.
- Do you want to come to my apartment style dorm for some hypnotiq and Sprite?
Facebook “reconnect lines”: Missed Connections for friends of friends
- Hi there. Remember me? We worked in that group project in Philosophy of Law. You still look amazing. Wanna go out?
- We met freshman year. I’ve seen you at _______’s house. Are you still dating that douche?
- Hey there. I’m ______. I think we met at _______’s house. It looks like we lead really compatible lifestyles. Sorry…is that creepy to say?
- As you can see I’m a widower. Looking for companionship. Sorry to be contacting over Facebook, I just don’t know where to turn.
- Hey, you single or what’s your situation these days?
- Your profile says to inquire about your relationship status. This is me inquiring.
- Damn I see you just graduated from law school. Can you help me out with a contract dispute? Or, at least go out with me?
Head to the next page for a few more opening lines you should never, ever use.
OkCupid/Match/eHarmony: Egos, creepos, and patriarchy
- You will be attractive, under 45, intelligent, an avid skier...
- I’m not what you’re looking for, but…
- I was happily married to the love of my life for almost 40 years. I enjoyed being married and being a gentleman. I am now looking for a new companion.
- I wanted to see if there was more to you than just a pretty face.
- Geez what to say? I find it really difficult to talk about myself. I’m an engineer. What do you do?
- NEWS ALERT: An area man, Delaware native, has denied conventional protocol and actually wrote something interesting and useful in his profile, read on!
- Hi there, I have no predetermined ideas about what I’m looking for…no list of mandates or other babble like “I’m honest, like to laugh”.
- Hey I like your profile. Check out mine. Are you really into politics? Do you read ‘The Economist’?
- I already have a great life, but it would be nice to meet someone to share some new experiences with. I spent the years after my divorce ensuring my daughter’s needs were met.
- Hi Darling! I love your smile and your photos are fabulous. You look like a very intelligent, sophisticated and interesting woman. I know that we will be super compatible when we meet, so let’s do that soon.
- I only had a temporary membership to this site, so please contact me at GeorgeQT (at) gmail (dot) com
- I’ve been in all fifty states and would like to get to Europe. Want to go with me?
- I’ve (been to)(played golf on) all the continents.
