Almost half of people in relationships cheat—with money, according to a new survey of more than 23,000 people by TODAY.com andSelf magazine. Yep, 46 percent of men and women fessed up to fibbing about new purchases, hiding receipts, and even secret bank accounts.
Here’s our question: Is it ever okay to fib—and when? “You have to figure out why you're doing it,” says Jean Chatzky,Men’s Health money coach. A general disclaimer: As long as you're doing it not to hurt her feelings, you’re not a serial liar, and the subject matter is trivial, you're in the clear.
So here you have it, six times it’s okay to tell that white lie. Ladies, don't blame us—blame our experts.
#1: How much did this present cost? You dropped a couple hundred dollars on her—with your own money—and she thinks it’s too much. If a fib can benefit her in terms of higher self-esteem or if you did it because you love her, it’s okay, says Paul Dobransky, M.D., and director of MensPsychology.com. “On a recent road trip, I bought my husband a few ties and spent more than he would spend on himself,” says Chatzky. “If he asks the price, I plan to tell him that it's either none of his business or that he doesn't want to know.”
#2: Were you checking her out? Your answer: Are you kidding? No way! The truth: You’re a guy. You can’t help it. Rule of thumb: Fib about something only if you could also be honest about it, says Ian Kerner, sex and relationships expert. What does he mean? Assuming you’re not a serial looker, only lie if you would also be comfortable telling the truth: “Hey, I’m a guy. She was a little hard to miss." Can't say that? There could be deeper issues of jealousy with her, or inappropriate flirting on your part, says Kerner.
#3: Do I look fat? It’s okay to say, “You look great,” even if you know she’s put on a couple pounds, Kerner says. When does lying become a problem? If you’re losing attraction, or if she’s seriously down on herself, suggest you hit the gym together—plus, a new study shows it could turn her on.
#4: Are you listening? You seem distracted. As long as the sound of her voice doesn’t drive you crazy, and you’re not discussing life or death, it’s OK to stick with your good intentions—which were to listen. There’s a difference between your good intentions and what another person hears, says Dobranksy. Case in point: You say you weren’t listening—she hears you don’t care . . . about anything.
#5: I need you to run these errands. Now. She’s in a bad mood, and throws a chore your way like an order. If she’s not being her normal self—and you think she just needs some solo time or a day to cool down, it’s okay to fib for your own sanity, says Dobransky. “Let the storm pass," says Dobranksy. "Sorry, honey, I have plans" is fair.
#6: Did you stop at the drive-thru for lunch? We know—it was hard to resist. And hey, most of the time you’re pretty good. But, as long as it doesn’t become a habit—the drive-thru or the fibbing—not knowing isn’t going to kill her, says Kerner. So, no, you had a grilled chicken salad for lunch.
