We all have a few fun locales on our “oh, I’ve got to have sex here” list. The stairs, the back seat of the car, maybe even a public place or two. But, sorry to break it to you: Sex just shouldn’t happen in some places. And we don’t mean in an “ew, it’s creepy to get down in your parents’ bed” kind of way. Nope, in some places, sex can actually lead to UTIs, injuries, and little critters attached to your labia. Check out these seven spots—and then erase them from your sexy-time wish lists.
1. In the Car—While Driving
If you’re having sex in the car, it better be in park. According to a recent study of University of South Dakota students—published in the aptly named journal Accident Analysis and Prevention—33 percent of men and nine percent of women have participated in some sort of sexual activity, including vaginal sex, while driving. And, of those naughty-time drivers, more than a third said they were speeding, another third admitted to drifting from their lane, and 11 percent said they'd actually let go of the steering wheel. While, luckily, none of the students reported being in a crash, all you have to do is run a quick Google search to learn about the countless men who have gone to prison after their partners were ejected from the car due to mid-drive sex. Yikes.
2. On Sand
Sure, we’ve all dreamed of sex on the beach. In reality, though, the dream is much more like a sand-stuffed-up-your-hooha nightmare, says ob-gynAlyssa Dweck, M.D., coauthor of V Is for Vagina. The possible results include pain, cuts, and infection. However, as long as you eliminate the chance of any sand-on-genital action, the beach can be a great spot to get it on. Try a super large blanket or a sand-free beach chair.
3. In the Woods
“During a hike, it’s tempting to sneak off for a little romp in the woods," says Dweck, "but you have more than poison ivy to worry about.” She says she’s removed countless ticks from countless women’s vulvas over the years. They can crawl up your legs without you even feeling it, plus they can transmit diseases such as Lyme disease and Rocky Mountain spotted fever. (And, FYI, poison ivy or oak on your nether region is worse than any yeast infection known to woman.)
4. In the Water
Okay, so this isn’t a hard-and-fast rule (get it?), but sex in the water is not safe or healthy for everyone. Not only are condoms apt to fall off in the water, but water can actually cause vaginal dryness, says Dweck. How? Water washes away your vagina’s natural lubricants, spurring dryness, increasing friction, and possibly leading to micro-abrasions and UTIs. If the water has salt or chlorine in it, you have even more risk for dryness and infection, while a pool that’s improperly chlorinated can be teeming with harmful bacteria, says Emily Morse, sexologist and host of the Sex with Emily podcast. If you experience vaginal dryness when you’re on dry land, you’d probably find a lot of discomfort in the water, says Dweck.
5. On a Balcony
In seems like it would be erotic and romantic, but it’s dangerous, says Ava Cadell, Ph.D., a Los Angeles-based sexologist. For instance, this summer, two international students died in London after falling off of a sixth-floor balcony, according to the BBC. According to witnesses, they were attempting to have sex on the banister. Stick with first-floor porches.
6. At the Office
“Unless you hate your job and are open to the idea of getting fired, there’s no need to risk it all by having sex at the office,” says Morse. While there’s always risk attached to sex at work (even if you have an office with a lock!) doing it in an oh-so-open cubicle is a disaster waiting to happen. Sure, you could get a great story out of sex on your work desk, but you could also torpedo your career and reputation.
7. Anywhere You Could Easily Get Caught—And in Legal Trouble
The risk is inherently exciting, but sometimes, the repercussions are a little too big, says Cadell. Even if you don’t see any surveillance cameras in a dressing room, you are still being recorded. And, if someone catches you sneaking in a quickie in public—whether it’s in a movie theater or library—you could get arrested and charged. While every state’s laws are a little bit different, most states consider sex in public a misdemeanor, which can end in everything from fees to jail time. Just this fall, one Florida couple got six months in jail after having sex in public, according to the Huffington Post. (FYI, they had reportedly snuck into the grounds of a retirement village to do the deed. Ew.)
