There's something even worse than your BFF hating your new boyfriend, and that's you putting your gal pals in a solid second—or third or fourth or even 12th—place when a new man walks into your life.
If you've been the friend on the outside of a new relationship, you know this is the worst feeling ever. You call your bestie to make a wine-and-gossip date, only to receive a text back saying she's holding that evening open, just in case Todd gets off work early. Or you get through a glass-and-a-half solo before she shows up, because she and Todd we're too busy "talking" for her to split on time.
But here's the thing: When Todd ditches his new girlfriend a week or even a year down the road, she'll need her best friends to help pick up the pieces. And if she's spent the last week or year alienating them from her life, they may not be inclined to work on the puzzle. So other than that big, in-your-face reason, here are three others why you should never ditch a friend for a guy.
1. Because girls-only time is essential to your happiness, as well as theirs. That wine-and-gossip date I mentioned? Mandatory for your sanity and health on a monthly basis. Sure, your dates may consist of daiquiris or dirty martinis instead, but girls-only time spent catching up, dishing about life's triumphs and tears—and who's sleeping with whom in your office—is the cheapest and most satisfying therapy any of us will ever enjoy.
2. Because no one—not Todd or Mr. Perfect Himself—can meet all your needs. I learned this lesson the hard way. I was married to a man who traveled, and I worked from home. We'd also just moved to a city where I knew exactly one other person. So when my then-husband came home on the weekends, I expected those two days with him to make up for a week of unhappiness. It can't. We all have to have things outside of our relationships to lead healthy, happy lives. That includes hobbies, activities, and, yes, friends. They'll fill holes that a man doesn't even know is there.
3. Because even if they don't ditch you back, the relationship will change. When you drop a friend like she's a bad habit, that's going to sting. And while, if she's a good friend, she'll still love and support you, she may take a step back too. She could build an emotional wall between you, in which intimacy—secrets and dreams—just can't pass through because she feels less important to you.
What are some other reasons we shouldn't ditch our friends for a guy? Have you ever been ditched? Done the ditching? What happened?
